No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
