Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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