I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
