I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
