There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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