he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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