I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
