the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
