Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
