do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
