but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
They took my balls.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize