Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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