I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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