What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
