he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
