Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You need a sexual gate keeper
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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