Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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