what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Found the puke drawer
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
