do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
