Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
