96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Be still, my beating vagina.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
