I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
