Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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