Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
