I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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