omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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