We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
