i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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