i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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