cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
