Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I need to sanitize my soul.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
