you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
