Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
