you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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