we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
