Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Let's paint friendship bongs
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
