Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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