Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
