he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
