I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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