I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
