one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
