I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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