If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
