Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
