He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
