Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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