Just mADE A PArabola og urine
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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