It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
