i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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