Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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