Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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