Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
