Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
