when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
