My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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