Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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