So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize