I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
