summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
