I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
how drunk are you?
Several
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
