do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
