toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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