I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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