I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
