His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
