I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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