I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
