my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize