would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
