literally had 100 drinks last night.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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