so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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